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Posts Tagged ‘imperfection’

Recently, I came across a post written by a fellow blogger who I have never met before, and yet through her writing I often find myself expressed (take this post, for example, on being like a river, which describes me and my life better than I think even I could).  In this new post, the author discusses how she is going through a process of rereading all her old blog posts, sorting through them, reworking and discarding.  Of the pieces she has come across which she arguably defines as “crap”, she says:

The writing served a purpose, an outlet, a therapeutic way of finding linearity in the mindfield of living out loud.

This post made me feel better about my own writing and my own blogging process.  I have always lived my life out loud, but how many times have I reworked or culled old blog posts, trying to make it tidier, more polished – to make my life seem more polished, less chaotic, trying to cull out all the bits that don’t make sense to the outside world, all the rants and details and enthusatic rambles that I reneg on the day later.

But when I read of this author doing the same thing, my first thought was – don’t do it!  Don’t edit it, don’t censor your life – leave it raw, leave it imperfect.  I like it raw and imperfect – because I am raw and imperfect!  Reading it makes me feel like it’s ok to be who I am.  Inconsistent, philosophical, chaotic, spiritual, enthusastic, thoughtful, lost and yet touched by the mystery.

So often I don’t write a post on here for weeks – months! – because I want it to be perfect, perfectly structured and worded, with perfect content.  I want to wait until I have something poignant to say, or until my life makes sense and I have something whole and complete to offer, something tidy and linear.  Well, yet again I realise that the beauty is rather in the imperfection.  Life is not whole and complete and tidy.  Life is raw and imperfect.  And that is what is so amazing, so exciting, so beautiful about it.  Life is real, it is not a story or a dress rehearsal.  We make it up as we go along and we stumble and we fumble, but it is all its own form of perfection in a way, and it is all fabulous.

So I will continue to live my life out loud, unashamedly.  Sometimes my life doesn’t make sense to anyone else – often, in fact.  That’s ok.  I love it!  I love my ecclectic, heartfelt quirkiness.  And maybe, just maybe, by letting my own light shine uncensored and unblinkered, I will give someone else the courage to bravely shine their own out into the world without fear.

If I can pay that forward, then maybe my crazy little place in life makes some kind of sense after all.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds…Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said to-day.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

– Miss Piggy

I have realised that I am too often paralysed by my self-imposed need for perfection.

I haven’t written a post on here for ages because I wanted just the right quotes and just the right words, I wanted it to be a perfect piece before I even sent it out into the world, I didn’t want to expose the messiness and imperfection of my own life.  I have a pile of unreplied-to e-mails in my inbox because I’m waiting for the time when I can sit down and reply to them “properly”.  I start courses and careers and then quit, partly because there is a little voice in me saying – what if I suck at this?  What if I’m not the best there is at this?  What if I’m not perfect?

It’s like I’d rather do nothing than do anything to any standard less than perfection.

Perfection being unachievable, it means I’ve spent a lot of my life achieving nothing.

Recently I’ve been learning to let go of my need for perfection.   I’ve been learning that maybe ‘good enough’ really is sometimes good enough.  I’ve been learning that maybe you’ll get more done and achieved aiming for good enough than you will paralysed by the fear that you’ll never do it perfect so why even start?

So I started this post with a quote I chose, not because it is perfect for this post, but because it is funny.  I’m starting to kind of approach life that way.

Now I’m about to head off to my part time job  – as a clinical transcriptionist (doesn’t that sound so much cooler than ‘medical typist? :P) at Greenlane Hospital in Auckland.  It is casual, easy, well-paying, has hours to suit, and is – well – perfect.

I will write more of an update on my life later.  But now I gotta run.  So I’m not going to end this on some beautifully phrased piece of poignance.  It’s not a perfect post.  But I reckon, for now, it’s better than nothing – and it’s good enough.

 

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