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Posts Tagged ‘enough’

I have had enough.

Enough running, enough searching, enough trying, enough becoming – enough questing. I have had enough trying to be something different than what I am. Enough trying to become – to become better, different, worthy. Enough trying to redeem myself for sins I can’t identify, enough trying to prove myself, enough trying to justify my very existence. Enough sacrifice, enough study, enough self-depreciation, enough of men who reinforce a sense of worthlessness, enough of believing in worthlessness myself. Enough of being an octagonal peg, an irregular peg, an Emily-shaped peg, in a square hole, a round hole, a triangle hole – in somebody else’s hole. I thought if I made a career out of saving other people’s lives, caring for other people, meaning something to other people – ignoring all the things I love and that make me who I am, to become the life-saver, the giver, the worthy saint – that then maybe I would be enough.

I am enough.

I am enough right now, just as I am, today. I have nothing to prove, nothing to redeem, nothing to make up for or make better. Of course I can continue to grow, to grow into myself, into all the space beyond that my body aches to fill- but that doesn’t mean I have to fundamentally change, to become – to become better, to fix myself, to become someone else, someone more worthy. I am already worthy of all I am and all I have and more. I am already a person. I am creative, philosophical, expansive, hopeful, loving, genuine, honest, expressive, independent, personable, free spirited, spiritual, slight crazy… I have nothing to prove. I already am.

Enough.

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